Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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