I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
