the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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