just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize