Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
