my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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