Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i think i just lost a toe
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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