Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
