I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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