she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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