you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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