Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
