I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
