Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
