Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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