At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
