you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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