make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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