at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bring me that man meat
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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