I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
