I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
