I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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