You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
