All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
