I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
