Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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