Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
