Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
