if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
