The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
