You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
