I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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