this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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