The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize