what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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