i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
