Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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