i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
