Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
