So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am one with the molecules
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
