I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
