i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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