OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
