bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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