Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
