i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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