He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
