Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
