My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
