She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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