Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
