The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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