He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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