I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
