good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize