HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
