found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
