Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've blown a few things in my day
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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