and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
