Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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