New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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