I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
