I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
