is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
