Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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