She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
