he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
