I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
